There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They have beer where we have blood.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize