Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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