I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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