Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
