somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize