How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
