i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My dick has a subreddit
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
