Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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