Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize