He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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