When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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