Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
