I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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