OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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