Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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