just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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