dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
