Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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