i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
