I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
