I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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