Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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