Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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