I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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