girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize