"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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