I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
