I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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