she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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