It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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