Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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