Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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