I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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