i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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