what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
