I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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