I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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