Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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