Yo dont text me then not text me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
