mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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