best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
