So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love you. Go after that dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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