He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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