it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
