Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
