First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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