Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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