Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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