i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
