Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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