You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
