We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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