Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
