I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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