just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
