she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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