I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
