**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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