I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize