this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
