I got chris browned last night
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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