Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
