Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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