based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
