I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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