There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
