i don't really know how much tequila is too much
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
