The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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