i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
