The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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