I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
