Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
