um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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