If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
