i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
